


Breathing and Tea

by keshwyn



Series: Hearth Sorcery [4]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: But it's not a magic bullet, Gen, Implied/Referenced Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Stephen Strange - Freeform, Tea Is Always A Good Idea, Therapy is effective, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 09:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18870124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keshwyn/pseuds/keshwyn
Summary: Grocery shopping is not terrifying. Asking the Master of the New York Sanctum what he wants on the grocery list should not be terrifying either. Unfortunately, Yue's anxiety only agrees with the first statement, not the second.





	Breathing and Tea

_Jasmine tea (a LOT more)_  
_Other tea?_  
_**STEEL** French press for if Master Stinson visits the Sanctum_  
_Coffee Arabica, medium roast_  
_Acid free paper - ask at Kamar Taj_  
_Sharpies (medium tip)_  
_Sharpies (fine tip)_  
_Microwave (at least 1100 watts)_  
_New toaster_  
_Refrigerator - 82cm deep, 178cm tall maximum_  
_LED lanterns_  
_Glass jars_  
_Ziplock bags (1 gallon)_  
_Batteries (AAA)_  
_Instant mac'n'cheese - 12 pack_

"Yuck," Yue muttered, as she broke off writing and sat back with a grimace.  She was going to put a substantial dent in the Sanctum's accounts at this rate, just to replenish the supplies that had been destroyed in the chaos.  But that didn't solve the other problem she was having, which was figuring out what in the multiverse she was going to stock in the kitchen.

Because the New York Sanctum was so deserted these days, she found that instead of helping to run a household of some twenty to thirty people (depending on who had novices studying with them at any given point in time, or other students showing up unexpectedly for a meeting), she was running a household for two and a half - with the ever-present possibility of being invaded by the entire convocation of twenty senior Masters, should they chose to come to the Sanctum instead of staying at Kamar Taj to conference.

She planned to order out from Sichuan Dynasty, her new most favorite restaurant and temporary source of most of her sustenance, if she were faced with an invasion prior to getting things back in order.  And Wong had written on the grocery list she had tacked to the dented fridge, "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese," for reasons that Yue did not fully comprehend. Nor did she particularly want to, but at least she knew what to stock for him.  Unfortunately for her, she had absolutely no idea what the actual Sanctum Master ate. 

Aside from, apparently, whatever leftover take-away she put in the fridge; her char siu dumplings, the the Tibetan momo, the Thai coconut soup with the name she could never remember, and the half a deep-dish pizza with mushrooms and BBQ sauce that she had decided was not to her taste had all  **vanished with alarming rapidity**.  The only thing that hadn't disappeared was her extra-spicy pad thai.

She was starting to wonder if there was a hunger sprite in the fridge, actually.

While she could keep buying take out, that wasn't a particularly healthy option, either for them or for the Sanctum's finances.  Those could easily support her and the Master of the Sanctum now, but if they ever got apprentices in here, they wouldn't survive the veritable vacuum cleaner effect apprentices generated when leftover food was around.  

(She also wasn't sure they'd support them after the repairs were completed - raw materials weren't always cheap, and while she could circumvent tariffs easily enough with her sling ring, she knew better than to go with the cheapest contractor she could source her materials from. She hoped Jamal would email her soon.)

Fortunately for the master and any hypothetical apprentices - and possibly unfortunately for her until she found someone to assist her - Yue did know how to cook, and actually quite enjoyed it, so long as nobody was demanding boxed mac and cheese. But if she was going to put the effort in to cooking healthy food, she wanted to make sure it got eaten.

Which meant she would actually have to talk to her master of all of six days acquaintance, Doctor Stephen Strange, to find out if  **he** had grocery preferences (probably) or food sensitivities --

Yue added,  _ Epi-pens? _ to the list.  The last thing she needed was somebody going into anaphylactic shock because of something she'd given them to eat. She was  **not** a Master of the Mystic Arts.  She was certainly a practitioner, but anything beyond a minor healing spell was beyond her currently.  Hong Kong Sanctum kept a healer on staff at all time, and Kamar Taj was only a portal away, but...

"At least I don't need to put band-aids on here," she sighed, before she tried to center herself against the very idea of...talking to her boss.  As much as the thought of asking Wong to present the Doctor with a list of requests, that really was not going to solve the problem she knew she had to confront: the thought of facing her boss, much less talking to him, made her inner twelve year old start whimpering.

And the only way that 12 year old self was going to stop freaking out at the thought of meeting this strange -  _ heh _ \- man was to….actually spend some time with him.  

_ You are stronger now than you have ever been before, _ Dr. Inika's voice said in her memory.   _ Each day that you work to conquer your demons, you are one day stronger than they are.  Take it slowly, Yue, and it will come. _

"Fine," she growled at herself. "I'm stronger than I was three days ago. I can ask him if he likes chicken. This is not neurosurgery."

She tapped the spell she'd set up the day before, to warn her when he was in the house (and so that she could avoid him), and discovered he was in the Library.  Well, she could have predicted that. 

_ Honestly, I should probably spend some more time there myself, but that's a project for another day. _  (Wong's little grey book was still on her desk, waiting for her to get her act together and open it.)

A few minutes later, she found herself standing in front of the Library doors.  Like everything else in the Sanctum, they were big, impressive, heavy - and somewhat battle scarred.  Yue's eyes skimmed over the damage, and she mentally added to her list,  _ Wood stain, walnut colored, and sandpaper. _  She opened the right-hand door.

The left-hand door, having apparently only been supported by the door on the right, promptly fell off its hinges and fell to the floor with a tremendous crash.

Yue found herself facing the Master of the Sanctum hovering about three feet above the chair he'd been sitting in, surrounded by warding spells and with a glowing orange sword in his hand while the Cloak of Levitation whipped the air behind him.

He stared at her.  She stared at him. Then both their gazes tracked to the door on the floor, and Yue's knees folded under her as she sat down on the floor and plopped her face into her hands and attempted to not melt into the floor in pure, unadulterated shame and fear.

_ Stupid girl, _ her mother's voice echoed in her mind.  _ Stupid, incompetent, useless girl. You've broken something again, haven't you.  I don't know why I even think you might have been able to control yourself. Don't you dare look away from me when I'm talking to you, insolent child, I'm not done -- _

"Hey," she heard, interrupting the unfortunately memorable tirade.  From the sound of his voice, he was right next to her. "Hey. It's OK.  You just startled me."

"I startled me, too," she whispered.  She took a deep breath, trying to get past the knot of panic and mortified embarrassment that seemed to have lodged somewhere in her lungs.  It was like trying to breathe through soup.  It was much too familiar.

_ (Breathe, Yao.  Just breathe,  _ that was Dr. Inika's voice.   _ Take your time.)_

"I take it you didn't mean to do that," he said, and she heard the sound of his feet hitting the floor.

She shook her head, took another shuddering breath.   _ Just breathe.  I can breathe. I can do one thing at a time.  Start with breathing. _

"Guess I should've been using the doors instead of just teleporting into the library.  We'd've found out a lot sooner that they were off their hinges." Now he actually sounded ruefully amused.

_ We? _  She peeked around the edge of one hand.  He was hunkered down next to her with a sort of quizzical expression on his face.  Bright blue eyes were watching her, waiting to see what she would do next. There was no recrimination there, no anger.  She managed another breath, and another.

"Did you need something, Seneschal?" he asked, not unkindly.  And then, with rather more stress in his voice, "There isn't a problem with the Sanctum?"

_ And I was just going to ask him about groceries…  _ Another wave of shame swamped her, but this time, she was a bit more ready, and she was already sitting, already breathing.  She shook her head, then held up a finger. Wait.  _ After all, if I've already made a complete fool of myself, I'm not going to look any  _ **_stupider_ ** _ … _

Breathing. In, counting to ten. Pause for four.  Exhale through a ten count. Pause for four. In on a ten count.  Pause for four. Exhale… She lost count of the number of times she'd done it, but when she opened her eyes, the Master of the Sanctum was hovering, cross-legged in front of her, with the Cloak of Levitation holding him up - breathing with her.

"Better?" he asked.

"I apologize," she answered in an almost normal voice.  "I...didn't mean to disturb your studies."

"I somehow don't think you meant to come in here and dust," he said, sounding exceptionally dry. "Given how well you've avoided me for most of the past week."

She felt her cheeks prickle with heat as the blood rushed to them, and she lowered her eyes to her knees.  "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Am I really that terrifying?" he asked, sounding honestly curious.

"No, I'm just..."   _ A coward, _ her mother's voice supplied.  She did her best to ignore it. This man was her superior, and he had a right to know.  Particularly since she was effectively walking wounded in certain circumstances. And because he was being...kind.

"I - I, I have social anxiety d-disorder," she got out in a rush, looking down so that she wouldn't see whatever was on his face.  If she wanted to serve here, she needed to be honest with him.  _ And...I do want it.  I am good at this. I could be a really  _ **_good_ ** _ Seneschal.  If I can just...get past right now. _

"Diagnosed?" he asked, with an oddly clinical not in his voice.  She didn't look up.

"Yes. Formally d-diagnosed." She took a deep breath, trying to fight past the knot of panic in her throat.  It helped. "Yes. I...go see a therapist. Once a week. Dr. Inika serves at the, the Hong Kong Sanctum. She...thought I was ready. To go out, I mean."

"How are you managing it? Treating it?"

She looked up.  There was no judgement in his eyes.  His expression was cool, but not condemning.  The tight place in her throat eased a little more.  "Cognitive behavioral therapy. Acupuncture. Weekly talking with Dr. Inika.  Group, group therapy with, with new apprentices. Some magical workings - I, I can ask Dr. Inika to send you the, the texts.  And tea. Lots of tea."

"Jasmine," he said, comprehension dawning in his eyes.  "And sencha green - that's your tea I've been raiding out of the kitchen, isn't it."

"It's the Sanctum's tea," she amended weakly.  "Tea is for drinking, not for looking at. And it's on the grocery list already to get more."

"Ah. So, if I asked if you could get Tie-Guan-Yin for me…"

The familiar topic put her back on solid ground - almost as if he'd held out a helping hand and pulled her out of the mud.  "How much, what grade, and only if you don't actually do that barbaric thing where you pour boiling water over the leaves." She tried a smile.  "It's only supposed to be 88 degrees."

That actually surprised a laugh out of him.

Yue took another deep breath.  "Doctor Strange, as Seneschal of the New York Sanctum, my duty is to keep this household running.  Tea, groceries, repairs, and keeping things stable such that you can focus your energies on actually  **defending** this Sanctum instead of maintaining it - these are my tasks."

"And so it would help if I told you what I needed," he said, thinking about...something. A memory, she was fairly certain.  "I see."

"Do you have any dietary restrictions I should keep in mind?  Food preferences? Material components that will make your tasks easier?"  

His eyebrows rose at the last one.  "Material components?" he asked.

"I like to do my spells diagrams with Sharpies," Yue confessed.  "I know it's not traditional, but the ink  **doesn't smear**."

Another laugh, which unfortunately trailed off as he looked down at his hands.  _  Ah.  Yes, Master Fei mentioned that he'd had some kind of accident that had done substantial damage. _  Well, he had done her the grace of not pitying her wounds - she would not pity his.  

His expression closed down to one of studied neutrality.  "I hadn't...considered that."

_ That's why he's eating the leftovers he can pick up with his fingers - he probably can't manage a fork or spoon, let alone chopsticks.  The pizza must have seemed like a gift from Heaven. But no one eats Pad Thai without utensils. _

When he looked back up at her, Yue said, "If you need me to act as your hands, sir, I will not think any less of you for it."  His expression didn't change, so she tentatively added, "As I may need you to act as my voice, sometime, if I have another anxiety attack."

"Thank you, Seneschal," he said with a sort of quiet weariness.  She caught the ghost of a nod from him as he closed his eyes, and she chose not to press.   _ Let him have his moment of peace, he had the grace to give me one. _

When he opened his eyes again, the moment was gone and he had become the Master of the New York Sanctum again.  "I don't believe I will need to impose upon you, but time will tell. I have no dietary restrictions, but I'm likely to be preoccupied much of the time. Food that will not damage the books if I drop it...would be appreciated.  As for supplies…" he shrugged. "I will defer to your judgement. You have more experience running a Sanctum than I do."

_ All right, I can work with this,  _ she thought.  _  Bao it is. And fish balls and hard boiled eggs, and possibly some lo bak go. Maybe pakoras or falafel or dumplings.  Things he can eat in a single bite. Things  _ **_I_ ** _ can eat in a single bite too.  Maybe the occasional pizette? Hmm, I'll have to see if the public library has any good cookbooks on local cuisine. _

_ But definitely more tea. _

**Author's Note:**

> 88 degrees Celsius is 190 degrees Fahrenheit. There is much discussion in the tea community as to what the correct temperature is to brew one's tea at. 
> 
> Te-Guan-Yin (sometimes written Ti Quan Yin) is a particularly choice grade of Oolong tea that tastes of orchid and lilac.


End file.
